well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
