all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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