i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize