My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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