We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
