We won't sleep together?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
