The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
