Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
