Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize