Don't make out with my wife yet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
