quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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