This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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