I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
