i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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