Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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