Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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