After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
