i need an iv and a liver transplant
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
