My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
