Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize