Plan B is the new Plan A
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I came so hard my ears popped.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
