So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is the high leading the old right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
