i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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