Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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