Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How does it feel to date your dad?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
