remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
