if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
