my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
