I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
