you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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