Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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