Rock
Scissors
Fuck
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
