so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
