Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
