I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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