If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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