Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
