nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
