If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize