the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
