i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She needs sedatives and a leash
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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