I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
