My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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