Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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