Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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