and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
