i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
