She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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