I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
