Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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