Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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