Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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