i barfeds in our rink
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
