so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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