Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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