True but thats because hes a fetus.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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