I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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