He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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