Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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