i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
