Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
