There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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