youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy shit dude........stairs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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