At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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