I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You've changed since you got that strap on
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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