Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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