Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
