This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
