Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
