You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
