I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
