You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
