The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
