am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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