i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
