im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
