she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
