I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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