D3 body, D1 cock
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My ass is underappreciated
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
