Im at strip club and am horny
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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