I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
