she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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