Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
