My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
