Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
third nipple confirmed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
