they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize