I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
