I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
