The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
