I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
