I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
