very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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