Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
