Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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