Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I intend to get homeless drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
