Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize