now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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