batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
