I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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