looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
