Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
