Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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