I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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