i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
