I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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