Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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