naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
