I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
