Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
