i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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