do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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