tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
