You smell like stripper and shame
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize