Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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